There are teenagers who won't fit with in a student ministry for a variety of reasons and some just refuse to go to church anywhere! When that happens, Christian parents often hit the panic button and sometimes, in desperation, become angry. Typically they either get mad at their kid--"Whaddayamean you're not going to church, what is wrong with you!!" Or, they get mad at the church..."Well it must be a lousy youth ministry full of stuck up kids otherwise my little angel would love it." Or, they get down on themselves..."Where did I go wrong? If I had done a better job as a parent, surely my kid would be a real follower of Christ..."
Let's get honest here. First, it's a fact that most kids rebel, to one degree or another, no matter what. They (just like us) have spiritual high points and spiritual low points. Some reject Christ altogether for many years. Many young people walked away from Christ's own ministry! Teenagers are capable of making choices and some of those choices won't be good ones.
Secondly, we can't meet every possible need. Spiritual interest and growth is dependent on numerous internal, family, social, even physical factors that are quite beyond our control. Obviously, it accomplishes nothing for the parent to begin making critical judgments about the efforts of others who are trying to help their teen. It could be that their teen will fit better in another environment or it could be that their teen will have difficulty in any environment. In either case, it speaks volumes to reinforce that a kid is personally responsible for his walk with God. It is not up to any one, or any group, to pull it off for them. To shift blame onto "the church" is an easy short term defense mechanism that has disastrous long term effects.
Thirdly, really good parents struggle with really "hard to reach" teenagers. Many parents are not even aware of the incredible spiritual war that is waging over the heart of their young person. Sometimes too, when a teenager is most antagonistic toward his parent’s faith, he's wrestling with owning his own convictions and that is ultimately what we want them to do! If your kid is giving you an "adolescent attitude," take heart. You're not alone in your grief and it certainly doesn't imply that you've done a poor job of parenting!
God works in amazing ways!
Despite the fraility of our efforts as parents and as a ministry, the Holy Spirit is powerful and uses us anyway! We as leaders wouldn't make it for a moment on our own strength. We're far too human. We are always aware of more needs than we can meet. Adult volunteers aren't flawless. We see the impact of a godless culture on a young kid's way of thinking...and, it hurts. The task before us is monumental. If it were up to us, we'd expire due to discouragement and exhaustion, but you know what? This ministry isn't ours. It never has been. It is God's.
Troubleshooting Guide:
1. Watch for the calendars/announcements your child will get in the mail and check this website like you are already doing.
2. If your teen is still having trouble fitting in, stay in contact with their small group leader/Sunday School teacher to see if anything else can be done to help them build some relationships.
3. Remember, DON'T automatically assume that your kid is unspiritual, or that the group is unspiritual, or that you're a big failure if they don't buy it. Any of those possibilities may be true, but not necessarily so. Keep in mind that most students have big ups and downs in their spiritual interest! Loving, patient, non-demanding communication is the key to understanding what is going on inside your kid's head and heart.
4. Your attitude is powerful! Be excited about church and your relationship with God. Pray for us. Help out! Support us! Your enthusiasm rubs off. In fact all attitudes rub off. If parents are sort of "ho-hum" about church, usually it gets duplicated in their teens in a big way. If they are negative and critical their teen is a target for failure.
*Adapted from http://www.nnym.net/sites/fbcwildside/Parents